strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
