you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
