wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
