i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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