any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
