True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
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