Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
