did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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