Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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