I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
