somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
