We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
