who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
