My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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