tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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