Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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