I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
