so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
