my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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