I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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