My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
