I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
