found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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