Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
