Heybabeimwearingurpanties
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
