using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Hippo gnu deer
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
