So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize