kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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