Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
