I look better un-naked...
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
how does that bad decision feel?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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