you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
