I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
