Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Randomize
