i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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