Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
