This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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