my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
