I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
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