She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
