i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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