I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
