I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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