the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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