I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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