He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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