I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Randomize
