i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
