i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
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