Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize