What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
