Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
