Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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