I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
