Me too!
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
