I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize