he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
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