I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
40s are totally the cure
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
