So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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