Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
