Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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