So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
