Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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