i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
