sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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