Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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