My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
