we're chasing vodka with high fives
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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