So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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