Don't you send me to vm
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
