It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
